If you want to be together forever; then YOU HAVE TO DELIBERATELY CHOOSE. Every day.
Even when you’re not “feeling’ it,” or are feeling something’ for someone else.
Love is a choice, an investment, something of which we are the active agent — not something we “feel” or “fall into.”
Because if you define your love and your relationship by how you feel, you’re going to “fall” out of it at some point. If you want to stay together, you have to commit even when you don’t “feel” it at times.
There will be times when your “feelings” directly challenges your commitment.
If you ask people the secret to a happy, long term relationship, younger couples, divorced couples, and unhappy couples will all say “communication.”
But older couples and long-haul couples all say:
This is a huge wake-up call to a lot of people. But successful couples know… “Contrary to popular belief, being married isn’t ‘happily ever after.’ It takes a great deal of work.”
“Marriage is rarely two strong people, it’s about taking turns being strong for each other.”
“You must contribute more than a pay check and not cheating. You have to proactively work to better your marriage by doing things around the house without being asked and conceiving of kindnesses on your own intentionally and spontaneously. “Marriage done well is hard work.”
Put In the Work
If anything, a long-term relationship means you put in more energy, not less.
“We have to unpack the baggage of our youth… We have to allow our spouse the space to grow as a person and this many times takes patience and understanding.”
You should date your spouse regularly, go on trips with just them… and do marriage retreats together to be better people and spouses. Marriage is like a see saw, it is either going up or down.”
“The work of keeping a marriage solid should be split 80/20 with both sides doing 80%. Super cheesy right? Totally works.”
But really, the ratio always changes. So the real secret is: just put in work. “Marriage isn’t always a 50/50 partnership. Sometimes, it’s 70/30. Sometimes it’s 80/20. Sometimes it’s 100/0.”
Do the work.
Not resentfully. Not passive aggressively. Not on auto-pilot, or to check a box, or just to “safeguard.” That’s not the point. The point is love, remember?
But I don’t mean “hot,” which offers an excuse to go “cool.” Don’t love “hot and cold.” Love warm. Love consistent. Love every day. Make the choice. Love is a choice and an action not a “feeling.” Make that choice every single day.
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